There is that question again, “What are the planning to do after high school?” As I write this, it is March 9th, 2017 and I still have no idea. You can imagine the looks I receive with that answer. I’ll start with this. Amidst the endless amount of endings in my life, I’m finding new beginnings each day. Amidst all the hurt from cutting ties and being distant, I’ve been so close. Amidst everything changing, I have someone who doesn’t change. Psalm 23 says, “Surely your goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” It’s amazing that wherever I go, his goodness and mercy will follow me. No matter where I go, I still get to dwell in God’s presence forever. 3 years ago, the idea of going to college in California came up, but I pushed it down just because it wasn’t logical. However, now, going to college in California is a real possibility. It’s amazing how God can make things that are illogical into something more than logical. Cancer doesn’t just go away, yet God makes a way. It’s not logical to feel peace amidst uncertainly, yet there is so much with Jesus. So much about God is completely illogical; he has grace for the lowest, power for all, and love that is unaffected by anything. I’ve realized that amidst this long winding road to figure out the future, it goes step by step. Sometimes I’ve felt like I’ve gone one way, and then am pulled in an opposite direction. But as I look back, I realize that each step was exactly where it needed to be placed to bring me where I am today.
I don’t think that there is only one college that I’m destined to go to and if I don’t I’ve messed up the path for my life. I’m just listening to God and following the simple steps each day. I think the reason that America is one of the most anxious nations is because we try to control everything. We start planning what college we want to go to in 6th grade! I think we are so anxious because we are trying to control things we were never meant to control in the first place. Tomorrow will bring enough worry of its own. I’m not saying don’t plan, but I think we can miss the peace of trusting God if we don’t let him lead us day by day. I’m starting to walk in steps, not strides. And there is so much peace. And where there is peace, that is where God is. I know he’ll make it clear. He always does. What he wants for me is what I would want if I actually knew what I wanted. God’s not confusing or unclear, but sometimes I think our instant gratification society wants to see the whole map, when God’s just showing us the next route. We probably wouldn’t even believe him if he showed us the whole thing. Amidst the winding road, I’ve found peace and I’ve found that God has a goodness and mercy that will follow me wherever I go.
Habakkuk 1:5, “Look among the nations and see. Wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your day that you wouldn’t believe even if you were told.”