There are some things I don’t want to share. There are some experiences that I just want to keep in my heart, there are some things I feel no one will understand. There’s so much to write in one blog post. I wish that I could say that I’m always happy all the time. But that’s not the case. There have been times where I sob my eyes out in the shower, wondering why God won’t heal Ruth. There have been times that have been lonely, where my heart just breaks at what I see. But there are times where I cry of joy, where Ruth starts calling me “mom” where she hugs me and doesn’t let go, when she remembers the Bible stories, wants to pray together and answers 5-2 without using her fingers. I feel as if every day is an emotional rollercoaster and God is my seatbelt, the only thing holding me inside the ride.
However, despite all the experiences, there are two little words that I will never forget. “mucho mas” I was talking to Ruth about how I had to leave soon and she asked that dreaded question, “When will you come back?” My heart sank. I didn’t want to leave. How do I explain this…in Spanish….
”Ruth, I have to leave, I don’t want to, I don’t know when I will come back, but I will always send letters. I will always miss you.”
“I will miss you Lisa, mucho mas” Much more. For some reason this made my eyes fill with tears. It took more than 3 months, but I had finally been able to show this little girl love. For some reason those words meant the world to me. It seemed that those words were just the tip of ice berg, to a whole lot of love that this girl could finally feel.
A lot of the kids at the center are so loving, they give hugs, and are so kind. Ruth is a beautiful little girl, but she wasn’t quick to give hugs or hold hands, or say loving things. Although it’s harder to love someone who doesn’t love you back, those are the exact people that need the most love.
I learned this very important lesson: We have to pursue people. People who have been hurt, who are hard to love, they need the most love. I think it takes more than one coffee, one talk, church service, one compliment, one hug. In Ruth’s case it took 3 months. I think so many times we are so busy, but I think it’s vital to the gospel to really care for people, to change our schedules for people, to fly across the world for people. We need to change our lives for others. Instead of fitting people into our schedules imagine how beautiful it would be if we went to any length to invite people into our lives.