It’s one of those days where I’m realizing that you truly don’t know how good something is till it’s gone. I look out my window and see delicate leaves waiting to fall. I see the vibrant colors uniquely painted across the landscape. My duck boots are sitting beside my desk. I’m sipping a homemade pumpkin spiced latte while smelling a mixture of vanilla and pumpkin spiced candles. I’m listening to the song “My Love Goes Free” on the album, not surprisingly, named “Fall”. Can you tell I’m enjoying the season? I’ve been taking in every second of it. I realized that I missed having fall last year. 80 degree weather sounds heavenly until you’ve had over 6 months of it. Fall has never been one of my favorite seasons. I was never the girl who searched for all the pumpkin spiced possibilities in the coffee shops and grocery stores. I was never one to gaze at gorgeous leaves or crave coffee. But this year, my heart jumps at the colors I see around me. I crammed my cart with pumpkin spiced things while grocery shopping yesterday, and the first few days of brisk fall air brings a smile to my face. I never appreciated fall before. I didn’t know how great it was till it was gone.
I’m in this season of life where I’m so content. Back in January, I was continuously confused about how to live a life that matters. But, I’ve come to the point where I’m learning how to do just that. Don’t get me wrong, my heart longs for even more of God, but I’m at this point where I’m just so thankful. At the beginning of the year, I cried for hours at a time, trying to figure out how to restore relationships that had been stagnant for months, trying to figure out how to live, trying to be still in a country that glories jam packed schedules. I remember just wanting to be done with my life because I was so dragged down by burdens. In short, I let my mind wander and let myself believe that I had to take back the burdens that Jesus already took for me.
One day I was washing dishes and it hit me. Love doesn’t have expectations. I just let my mind wander around the love of God. I had never felt his love in such a real way before. I couldn’t see him, I couldn’t hug him, yet in that moment it was so tangible. It had been so long since I had remembered that God loves me! I think we so easily forget. If we look through a lens of thankfulness I wonder what we’d find. I look back on those months from the beginning of the year and realize that God never left, and what he did on the cross for me didn’t change. My perspective just got twisted.
I’m at the point in my life where I’m growing so much as a person. I’m so grateful for Jesus! I’m seeing God work in miracles every day and I’m continually filled with his joy. I can hardly remember what that sadness was like. The only difference between the beginning of the year and now is that I just remembered. I remembered God's love. Before, I looked to myself to find the answers rather then God who already holds all of them. I’m beginning to see things from a lens of thankfulness. I’m beginning to realize I already have all that I need. I’m beginning to see that I already am enough. I’m beginning to see that I already am loved. I’m beginning to see that God has already given me the answers to many of the prayers that I’ve prayed. Sometimes I think we just need to stop. Sometimes I think we just have to realize what we already know. God is with us. Notice his presence. It changes everything.